This is not about addiction, this is about the after effects of trauma that occurred decades ago.
I recently saw a movie that I knew may kick up some dust and feelings. It did just as I expected. I handled it pretty well and had an ally on hand accidentally. I got a chance to briefly thank the filmmaker who based the movie on his life and experience. I knew I’d be seeing my therapist less than a week later so that was covered.
I didn’t lose my shit, I had a great talk with my partner after my trip . We laid in the dark waiting for power to return. I got my feelings listened to, I was better able to Express myself.
What gets me is that to this day, I can derail myself so easily, I can refuse to trust an individual or be too trusting. I can let the negativity that I’m trying not to feed off of come back into my life. I feel mark externally somehow, like it’s an inside joke that im not let in on.
Recovery takes the time it’s going to take, this post has taken 2 days. I dont want to dwell on it, I know tomorrow some of it will resurface, I know I made it through today. Thank you.