Death all around

A hero of mine recently passed away, Ken Nordine, you know tge voice of God. Word Jazz. Im sure there will be many more eilogies more eloquent than mine. I understood what he was doing almost instantly, my brain works like one of his episodes and I have had to adjust to accepted reality.

I was just thinking of him the day he died. It is my wish that a certain unnamed monster take his place in oblivion and return Mr Nordine, alas that doesn’t seem possible.

I’d like to explain all Mr Nordine means to me, but I’m a fan, not a rabid fan, just someone that could simply let him invade my earholes and tickle my imagination as I faced the dreaded existence of the world on Sunday nights, preparing myself for Monday morning.

I’ve wanted to do what he does, I want to be as open to my dream world as he appears to be just listen to his subject matter and recognize the inventive spirit.

My daughters have picked up on death as well. As much as a 4 year old in white bread America understands about death. Freaking Lion King making me explain it to them. Now I have to hear how they will take care of me when I die. I want them to have a healthy relationship with Death. Yup the skulls work that are all over my body. No but seriously, they are talking more and more about it. Although I was raised in a christian cult I had an unhealthy preoccupation with death. I slept every night thinking our family would be raken away, tortured for our beliefs and then we would be killed followed by a vengeful god who would pitch us into a lake of fire if we forgot to confess 1 sin or if we blasphemied against this cruel god. Yup, probably why my kids will not set foot into a church until they are looking for spirituality that requires worship in a building vs their heart. I’ll also teach them to never bow their heads, “respect” be damned, respect my families choice not to live in fear, we chose knowledge. Same goes for pledges of allegiance they will not recite it until the can demonstrate an understanding of what they are doing. Yeah I am that parent.

So my last section deals with 4 people I would lose my shit over if they were taken away from me.

When my daughters were younger, like under 2, I swore to whatever diety would listen that if they took my daughters that this world would see vengence on an epic scale. This was probably some religious guilt and programming that needs to still work its way out if me like an errant kidney stone. I’m not sure if other parents feel the same because I don’t have a yardstick for normal. It doesn’t feel good to me that I have, at times, an impending sense of dread and feel thier lives are at risk. I dont act on it as I can usually realize it when it is happening, it happens less as they grow older as I’m usually not as sleep deprived.

The 2 other undividuals are two of my mentors in MA. They are in bad shape and they have both lived very full lives. I comsider them parents and write them in depth emails with pictures once a month. I am not their son, I’m not trying to be, I’m just waiting for the call or email, I have a reserve ready in case I need to go and be there.

Two people I haven’t mentioned are my wife and the monster that lurks. If my wife was taken i would be devastated but I would press on knowing that for the girls I need to be strong. My wife has equiped me to handle their needs and I will be forever thankful. It would be more than a significant loss and that emptiness would never be filled.

As for the lurking subhuman, it would have been better if he had never been born. May he end up in his lake of fire with the gnashing of teeth and the eternal torture he so richly deserves. AVB may his existance be wiped from the world upon my demise. May his victims find solace one day, as for me dear reader, that gift is elusive and is part of the journey that I have learned to not expect, not to demand, mot to search for.

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