Stoic

As I sit on the train back home, getting ready to face those challenges, I look at what was accomplished today. And with that suddenly its the next day. Yup started this post on the 27th, hope to have it to you readers today.

One thing I’ve gotten from the one who is never named is their amazement that no matter what I figure out a way to come on top. I made it through sexual, physical and emotional abuse, I’ve been homeless twice. I’ve lived in a trailer down by the river twice. I’m the first to get an advanced degree in my family. I raise twins with my wife.

I don’t know how to slow down. I get down, I question my abilities, I’ve been depressed, I’ve tried to end it all a few times. Yet here I am, standing defiantly as I always have. Stoic. Solid.

Here I am questioning what a man is, creating my own definition, being the example that I want my children to follow. Not my errors, not my pain, but my success in the face of adversity, even when that adversity is caused by me. I’m the most sinister enemy because I trust that voice that leads me down dark dismal hallways. I know my weakness and I’m ruthless. But I still get up and stand and face the next challenge.

How do I do it, I keep moving forward, millimeter by millimeter some says, miles by miles some days. Don’t follow my footprints, if you see me running, you probably want to be in front of me. Better yet that is wrong because I run where others flee.

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